One thing after another ...

Ugh, I am so sick and fucking tired of things going wrong for me. I seriously think that i must have been a torturer or a serial killer or something for all this shit to go so tits up. Its just one thing after another, then when one thing is sorted then something else goes wrong. Why the hell cant it just be straightforward and simple?! Is that really too much to ask?!

Im so upset and annoyed and just plain confused half the time, at what the hell these people are doing. Theyre basically playing with mine and my kids lives, and I know that sounds totally dramatic, but if they dont sort their shit, and soon, then I face possible eviction.

Sod the TV bills or the phone bills, I can organise those another way. What I cant organise is a large amount of money to be paid to one place, which is already over two weeks overdue, because the fuckers that owe it to me just keep telling me that 'someone will call you within 5 working days'. Will you FUCK! 4 times Ive called over the last few weeks, First time, I waited the 5 days, waited for the payment, nothing. Called back, waited 5 days, had to call back again. Person I spoke to tells me he is hugely apologetic (he was lovely to be fair) and alls he can do is pass it on with a strongly worded message and that someone will get back to me within, you guessed it, 5 working days. 4 days later I get a phone call from the same woman who said that she was going to give me the money within the first 5 days she mentioned, this time she said she told me that she had to wait for a certain piece of information before she could go ahead with what she was doing. Er ... no love, you told me you were sorting it THAT DAY! Anyways, this time, she says she has all her info and can sort it that day. That was nearly a week ago ... I think Citizens Advice may just be getting a visit from me if they dont sort their shit out soon.

I have never been this out of pocket in my entire life. Luckily I have no loans or credit cards so no debt in that way, but I owe people money. Bills should have been paid that havent been, bills that I have taken out on the proviso that all this crap was sorted.

I despise having to rely on other people. I despise being in the situation Im in. But I gues this is why Im doing the OU course, coz it may be totally shitty now. But it wont be forever.

Im gonna get out of this and Im gonna build such a good life for me and my kids. They deserve the world.

All I want right now is a hug, I want to be held while I get all this emotion out of me.

Im trying not to let it, but its starting to get to me, in a way that I dont want it to. I know that probably doesnt make sense ... how to put this ... I used to deal with stress and emotions in a very unhealthy way. A way that I managed to (mostly) pull myself out of. It reared its ugly head again earlier this year but I fought it. Its threatening again (again, not much sense I know) but so far Im staying strong.

Dont know how much strength I have left now though ...

I really could do with a massive hug off my Dad right now. Ill miss you forever xx

Votes

So I voted for the first time in my life this year. I did it by post instead of having to drag everyone down and queue up. The second I posted it, I wanted to reach inside and get it back, change my mind. SO glad I didn't as I'm totally behind the choice I made. I didn't realise that it would be as nerve-wracking as it actually was!

I'm a Lib Dem, well, that's who I voted for anyways. I don't mind saying as I believe that unless you're BNP, then Ill accept that everyone has a right to their own choice. I guess they have a right to the BNP too, but I disagree with the party as a whole.

Aaaaanyways, now Ive gotten that out of the way I shall move on.

I haven't blogged in ages, no huge reason why, just a bunch of little reasons that have added up to me not being able to. Things are better. Not good, but better.

I still have that unwanted houseguest but I'm now able to think of ways to make myself stronger to make him leave. I simply don't want them here, and I don't know how they can just stay. I certainly couldn't. Id want to get my own place, find my own life, move on and grow up again. I honestly don't know what it is that is going thru his head. And for the most part, I don't care, I just want him out. Still.

In other news, I'm househunting again. The place I'm in was never meant to be long term. It was just a stopgap. Lots of things have happened over the last year which means that I'm still here and haven't been in a position to move. But hopefully, within the next few days, I will be.

And I will be in a pretty good position for it. Its due to a fuck up on the part of other people but ya know, it seems to be working out well for me in the end.

All I need now is for a house to crop up that would be ideal for us! Please keep your fingers crossed for me.

Ive started my uni course! Well, its a short, starter course, but I like to call it a uni course because of who its with. I'm still torn between wanting to take web design or psychology, and if I'm honest, I leaning towards psychology because of a few conversations Ive had with individuals lately. But web design is more practical for this day and age. Although saying that, people will always have problems ... hmmm, think this is the point where I take my short course and have a good think, see if there is some way that I can integrate both into my studies without one suffering more than the other, or either of them suffering for that matter!

I'm going to be a busy, busy girlie over the next year or two.

And you know what? I fucking love it :o)