One thing after another ...

Ugh, I am so sick and fucking tired of things going wrong for me. I seriously think that i must have been a torturer or a serial killer or something for all this shit to go so tits up. Its just one thing after another, then when one thing is sorted then something else goes wrong. Why the hell cant it just be straightforward and simple?! Is that really too much to ask?!

Im so upset and annoyed and just plain confused half the time, at what the hell these people are doing. Theyre basically playing with mine and my kids lives, and I know that sounds totally dramatic, but if they dont sort their shit, and soon, then I face possible eviction.

Sod the TV bills or the phone bills, I can organise those another way. What I cant organise is a large amount of money to be paid to one place, which is already over two weeks overdue, because the fuckers that owe it to me just keep telling me that 'someone will call you within 5 working days'. Will you FUCK! 4 times Ive called over the last few weeks, First time, I waited the 5 days, waited for the payment, nothing. Called back, waited 5 days, had to call back again. Person I spoke to tells me he is hugely apologetic (he was lovely to be fair) and alls he can do is pass it on with a strongly worded message and that someone will get back to me within, you guessed it, 5 working days. 4 days later I get a phone call from the same woman who said that she was going to give me the money within the first 5 days she mentioned, this time she said she told me that she had to wait for a certain piece of information before she could go ahead with what she was doing. Er ... no love, you told me you were sorting it THAT DAY! Anyways, this time, she says she has all her info and can sort it that day. That was nearly a week ago ... I think Citizens Advice may just be getting a visit from me if they dont sort their shit out soon.

I have never been this out of pocket in my entire life. Luckily I have no loans or credit cards so no debt in that way, but I owe people money. Bills should have been paid that havent been, bills that I have taken out on the proviso that all this crap was sorted.

I despise having to rely on other people. I despise being in the situation Im in. But I gues this is why Im doing the OU course, coz it may be totally shitty now. But it wont be forever.

Im gonna get out of this and Im gonna build such a good life for me and my kids. They deserve the world.

All I want right now is a hug, I want to be held while I get all this emotion out of me.

Im trying not to let it, but its starting to get to me, in a way that I dont want it to. I know that probably doesnt make sense ... how to put this ... I used to deal with stress and emotions in a very unhealthy way. A way that I managed to (mostly) pull myself out of. It reared its ugly head again earlier this year but I fought it. Its threatening again (again, not much sense I know) but so far Im staying strong.

Dont know how much strength I have left now though ...

I really could do with a massive hug off my Dad right now. Ill miss you forever xx