Number 51.

So this is my 51st post here. In all honesty, I'm not entirely sure what the content of most of my posts are. I tend to just write and in a way, let my fingers do the talking. Its like I get in a zone and I just keep going.
Saying that, this one is is going to, at least to start of with, be a little more light hearted.
So Ive noticed, quite often, that when I stick my music on my iPod and turn it on 'shuffle', it more often than not plays songs relevant to what I'm feeling at the time. Whether it be happy, or sad. Or somewhere in between. I'm going to list 10 songs here that played this morning when I was doing some chores, there was major eye-rolling going on coz they are all so relevant (in different ways) to how Ive been feeling lately. List is;

1. Adele - Set Fire to the Rain
2. Will Young - Love
3. Jamelia (Live Lounge) - Numb
4. Staind - Tangled Up in You
5. Pink - Stop Falling
6. Tinie Tempah (Live Lounge) - Frisky
7. Avril Lavigne - I Love You
8. Ministry of Sound - Lost Without You
9. The Bangles - In a Different Light
10. Avril Lavigne - When You're Gone

I'm assuming you can all guess whats been going thru my mind a lot lately by that list of tracks? 

Yup, love. Or rather, thinking about wanting to be in love. Ive felt so lonely lately. And I hate it, coz I'm fine on my own, I don't need anyone else. I'm good alone, ya know? But I'm surrounded by couples. In real life, on TV, on twitter/FB. Id just like to have what they have for a while, or forever, I'm  not going to rule that out, coz that would be silly. 

I bought the Twilight DVDs recently, and I found myself sitting there crying. Which in itself is nothing unusual, but I realised I was crying because of the relationship that I was watching (and shut up, I fricking love Twilight!), crying because Ive never had a relationship like that. That's so open and so free. I'm always hiding something, even in friendships, I can never be 100% open and honest. 

I'm not saying I'm a liar, but I don't give my all. Coz if I did, and Ive probably said this before, then that gives someone else power and control, and I'm not sure I can give that up. I almost did once, and that power and control was very much abused. I'm not going to get into that now tho, as I'm pretty much out the other side of that.

But yeah, it seems my iPod shuffle is pretty tuned in to my thoughts and emotions. How bizarre.