I cant wait for today to be over. Its only 2:30pm but Ive had enough. Kids are doing my head in coz they wont give me 5 minutes to relax with a cuppa. The place is a tip but half the radiators don't work so I don't want to go and clean those rooms.
I may just about have enough money to cover my rent but that's pretty much it. I'm going to have to be SO frugal with the food that I have. It doesn't matter about me, but I have make sure that the kids are fed plenty.
Its so hard to make the little ones understand that I simply cant afford to buy more than one tin of beans at a time, or get them 5 different flavours of juice. They just don't get it, and I feel awful that I cant get them what they want.
I know its not exactly my fault, but that doesn't make me feel any better.
I had the boy on my own over the weekend and it would have been a perfect chance to take him to the skatepark, but with entrance fees and train fare, I simply couldn't. Hes so good about he it, so understanding but I know he gets disappointed.
I have no idea how I'm going to manage at Xmas. I'm just glad that I got the Kinect for him when I did. My mum tries to make me feel guilty about that, says that it shouldn't be that way, that he shouldn't have it early coz then he'll have nothing big on Xmas day but I don't see why it should be about one massive present anyways. Just coz that was how she did it, why should I have to be the same? The boy and I talked about it, and he understood the deal. I keep mentioning it to him so he keeps getting it, that hes already had a large part of his Xmas present, and hes ok with it. I hate the way she always thinks I'm doing it wrong.
Anyways, this isn't a mum-bashing post.
I know that all this is going to get sorted. I'm going to get back on my feet, I'm going to fight back as I always do and we're going to be ok. We always are.
Maybe this will do us a bit of good? Ill be forced to cook proper foods and be more prepared.
Anyone who knows me knows that preparation isn't usually in my vocabulary. I DON'T plan ahead. Never have. Maybe now is the time to start doing that?
I dunno, I'm so bad at it (everyone knows that too!), I need a PA. I need someone to organise my life.
Ha, and here's me wanting to be a counsellor.
I have no idea how much sense this post makes, but I feel a little better for getting it out there.
Roll on 2011.
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