Mess

The title says it all. I am and I'm in such a mess right now. I can't afford to pay my rent on time. I owe Virgin. Money is missing from my bank and Ive just had the last few years thrown in my face.
He was talking again, saying how he doesn't like being the way he is, how he hates himself blah blah. So I told him, again, that if he hates it so much, he needs to get help. Instead of moaning to me, again, he needs to see someone. His response? "Stop shouting at me, I'm trying to talk to you. Youve only ever shouted at me about this." Talk about a slap in the face.
I've lost count of the amount of times I told him I would support him as long as he was getting help, the times (before) when I held him as he cried about how difficult it was. The times I went with him, to the doctors and hospitals to try and sort him out. I've let him stay under my roof. Lent him money when he's been in a bind. I've been a fucking mug for him and what thanks do I get? What appreciation? Fuck all.
He's scum. He doesn't deserve people like me in his life.
I honestly wish I'd never met him. I know if that was the case then I wouldn't have the kids, but maybe they would be better off without a father like him anyways. I say sorry to them every day, sorry that I saddled them with him. They deserve so much better.
They deserve better than him AND better than me.
I complain, a lot, about those kids but I adore them. I would do anything for them and I don't show it enough.
I can't do this anymore. I can't go through any more crap. It'd finish me off.
I'm just not strong enough.

- Posted from TB.