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All I want is for someone to hold me, to love me, to tell me that everything is going to be ok again.

I hate feeling like this.

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How can someone say so little, yet make it mean so much more?

21 random facts

1. My middle name is Jane.
2. I am always, and I mean always, late.
3. Ive had probably over 100 pets in my life, including a snake, chinchillas, rats & a Shetland pony.
4. I'm fiercely loyal.
5. I like Bran Flakes.
6. I have more cookery books than I can count, and I want more.
7. My favourite author is Jilly Cooper.
8. I'm pretty damn good at DIY.
9. I very rarely get hangovers. Ive had less than ten in my lifetime.
10. I have a penchant for notebooks. Any size, shape, colour or brand.
11. I hide my emotions.
12. I have very eclectic tastes in music and like a few songs from most genres.
13. I will skydive at some point in my life.
14. I never want to bungee jump, ever.
15. I miss 'Lost'.
16. I have a pair of Miss Sixty jeans that are at least 12 years old, that will never be thrown away.
17. I have never wanted to get married, but am not averse to having my mind changed.
18. I used to throw javelin (I was good!) and run 100m sprint for my school team.
19. I love milk. I mean really love it.
20. I have plans of travelling the world when my kids have grown up.
21. I love shoes, and have an ambition to one day own a pair of Louboutins.

Don't know why I chose 21. But there ya go.

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I feel like I need somewhere to turn. But I don't know where to go.

Confused

So I just had call from the kids dad. He was going to take them overnight, but my youngest apparently got upset and didn't want to go. Hes bringing her back, which in itself is fine, but it upsets me that she didn't want to go.
I'm not sure why it upsets me though.
She was a little off-colour for the last few days but nothing major. Hopefully shes just tired and wants home comforts but I'm worrying that this is going to be a long term thing.
She always gets upset when she has to leave me, except for when she goes to nursery. I don't know. Maybe its her age. Maybe she'll grow out of it.
I'm not sure what to think. I guess Ill see how it goes once everything is settled and into more of a routine. Hopefully she'll settle too.
Sorry for the randomness, just needed to get that out there.

My new New Year

Basically, for me, January has been awful. So much has gone on, and so much has been going on in the last few months/years. What I have decided to do, is to draw a line under it and start over. Much like traditionally, we do on the 1st January. Except like I say, January was a complete waste of a month, so I'm starting over with the Chinese New Year instead.
Now I know that I'm not Chinese and have no Chinese relatives (that I know of!) but I'm just using the date, because its a New Year for some people, it can be for me too.
And this year, I have decided that I am going to make a short list of things that I would like to achieve.
Some big and major, some not so much but just as important to me. I will possibly add to this list but I don't want it to become too long and become unachievable. Now, for a change, this post is not going to be a depressing, complaint about how awful my life is, but its going to be positive. Ive said all I am going to say about January (in this post, not necessarily forever!) as I want to keep the positivity. At the moment I only have a few things in my head that I would like to get in motion, so I will list them. I may come back and edit and re-edit, but for now, here goes (in no particular order):

• Take and pass the OU Introduction to Counselling course
• Learn (or at least begin to) Spanish
• Take and pass my driving test
• Go to the Download Festival
• Write more (blog/diary/short stories)
• Read up more about wicca
• Get fit, and healthy
• Take my kids out more, and become a better mum
• Take charge, and keep in control of, my own life

These are pretty self-explanatory. The last one is going to be an ongoing thing of course but I kind of feel that if its out there, I can remind myself that its ok to do that. I'm sure you've figured out, reading over previous posts, that I haven't always been in full control of what goes on. But I have to get that back.
As for the getting fit and healthy thing, a future (next few days) post is going to be about me, my diet (as in general diet, not a special weight loss one), my weight and what I plan to do to change that.
The one about being a better mum, I know I do ok, I'm not looking for reassurance, but I could be better. I could do more with/for them. They're all that bit older now that it would become easier to do stuff with them. Still wont be taking them out to eat on my own mind, the Tasmanian Devil isn't ready for that just yet! The driving test part will help with this bit too.
So yeah, that's my plan for this year. And my new year starts tomorrow. So tonight, there will be a few drinks and possibly some unhealthy foods.
Tomorrow, get ready to meet the new me. (Which is like the old me, but better, so its all good!)
Bring it on.