Ugh.

In such a low mood today.
Wish I could be different.
In more ways than one.

Falling.

Jem - Falling for you 

Said there'd be no going back
Promised myself I'd never be that sad
Maybe that's why you've come along
To show me, it's not always bad

Coz I can feel it, baby
I feel like I'm falling for you
But I'm scared to, let go
I'm scared coz my heart has been hurt so

It's true I've become a skeptic
How many couples really love
Just wish I had a crystal ball
To show me, if it's worth it all

Coz I can feel it, baby
I feel like I'm falling for you
But I'm scared to, let go
I'm scared coz my heart has been hurt so
Yeah I can feel it, baby
I feel like I'm falling for you
But I'm scared to, let go
I'm scared coz my heart has been hurt so

And I've got to be sure
Coz it's been so long
And I cannot take the pain again
If it all goes wrong

Coz I can feel it, baby
I feel like I'm falling for you
But I'm scared to, let go
I'm scared coz my heart has been hurt so
Yeah I can feel it, baby
I feel like I'm falling for you
But I'm scared to, let go
I'm scared coz my heart has been hurt so

I want you so much
I need you so much

Pretty much sums up how I'm feeling right now. It amazes me how songs put my feelings into words so much better than I could ever do myself.

Unsure ...

Ive had this 'New Post' page open for a couple days now. Pops up, almost taunting me, every time I open my browser.
I say taunting, because its like I've had some sort of writers block. I have so much going on in my head but haven't known where to start. I haven't blogged in ages but its not thru lack of things to say. I just seemed to have lost the ability to get things down.
I have a billion and one things running through my head. I'm feeling so much, so many different things.
I'm confused and happy and insecure and optimistic all at the same time.
I want to be positive about the future but something is holding me back. I still have that fear of letting go, of being  confident about choices that I make/have made. I want to be hopeful, but reality and past experience wont let me.
Its like, the walls that I always have, were being taken down but lately Ive put them right back up again. And I'm really not sure why. Things have been going well for me for a change. Ive been getting my life back on track. Moving on and sorting myself and my issues out.
Maybe that's what it is, things are going too well, and I'm getting ready for something to go wrong. I don't know. It just feels like something has changed.
Its probably just me being paranoid. A throwback to how things have been, of what I'm used to.
I feel like I'm turning into one of those needy, insecure women that always needs telling of their worth.
I really need to snap out of this. This isn't me.
Just feels like one step forward, two steps back sometimes.
Ill probably be alright tomorrow, this is what makes it so annoying.