Not this year though. This year, 5 days in, and I'm already different. Its not something that I feel I have physically worked at. I haven;t given anything up, or the opposite, taken anything up. I haven't consciously changed my lifestyle. But I feel different. I feel better. I feel happy. Yes, that says happy.
It actually started on New Years eve. I went to town with one of my best mates who was staying with me, and I was ready early. And then, in the evening, I was ready early again. Now I know how tiny and insignificant this must sound, but previously, I seemed to be incapable of being anywhere anything other than late. So being early twice in one day is a massive achievement for me!
I also had one of the best New Years that I've had in a very long time. Just went to my local pub, but it was really quiet (surprisingly). This is a good thing as it meant that we didn't have to wait half an hour at the bar to get a drink! I was surrounded by some of my very favourite people in the whole world, although a few were missed terribly too, and I even knew the bar staff so even going to the bar was fun. (Sadly didn't get any midnight kisses but I plan on making up for that this year!)
New Years day was the most eye-opening for me. I woke up, expecting to be hungover to death, considering the amount of beer and sambuca that I had consumed, but I was in the best mood that I have been in for a long-ass time. I'm talking years. I was Tigger. I was excited and bouncy and chatty and really annoying! But it was so awesome. For the first time in ages, in fact, for the first time in as long as I can remember, I was truly happy. I don;t have the easiest life, but I am so lucky. I'm healthy, I have the best friends and family, I have a roof over my head and I am making a start to change my life for the better. On the flipside, I'm skint, I owe bills, my washing machine is broken and my flat looks like Hamleys fought Christmas then threw up but these things are all trivial. These things are all things that I can fix easily. The important things are there.
I've been in a variation of this bouncy mood for the last 5 days. And if you have read any of this blog aside from this post, then you will know how huge this is for me! I was the epitome of a miserable cow, and I'm sure that I will still have my moments, but I've decided that I am not going to be miserable unless I have a damn good reason for it. For one thing, its no fun! And for another, being miserable doesn't change anything. It won't pay bills or fix my washing machine, only actions will do that. I may as well just get on with it and be happy.This has all stemmed from a line from a TV show that I watch (Chase. FYI, they need to uncan this, I loved it!), which was:
"Don't let fear hold you back from something you want. Just close your eyes and make the leap."This 'spoke' to me. I rewound the epi and listened to this about 10 times. Its true. I have missed out on so much because I was too scared. And its ridiculous. That is not going to be me anymore. I mean, whats the worst that can happen? Someone may say no, or someone may laugh. But so what? As long as I know that I have done all that I can to get what I want then I'll get over it.
I feel stronger already. More confident. More 'me'. And it just gives me more strength. Don't get me wrong, being brave is scary as hell, but its worth it. Its definitely worth it.
HAPPY NEW YEAR BITCHES!!
