My mind

Its 4:22am and I haven't slept yet. I'm sitting in my bed, listening to The Offspring, drinking tea and eating biscuits. It's getting light outside. I can hear birds singing. But I don't want to sleep and I have no idea why. Maybe it's because I kind of hope that I don't wake up. I don't want 'tomorrow' to come. I didn't even want to come to bed, but thought I'd best had, seeing as it was like, 3 o'clock in the morning. I don't know. I just ... I think, I feel like I'm losing things. I'm losing it and I don't know what to do. I don't know where to go for help. But I do know I can't do this on my own. And I don't know what to do. Today is Fathers day. And I've never needed my dad more than I do right now, but he's not here and he never will be. I want someone to hold me, and just tell me that everything's going to be ok. And to help me. I'm just so lost. So very lost.