Time for change

This day, 18 years ago, I saw my dad for the last time ever. If you've read the previous posts then you will know this. You will also know just how cut up I have been.
But I've been thinking. My dad always wanted me to be happy. He wanted me to do good things and to live my life in a good way. He wouldn't have wanted me to be moping around (even if for good reason) being sad. He would've wanted me to embrace life and enjoy it. He would've wanted to be proud of me, proud of what I have accomplished and what I still have yet to do.
So today I am going to make a conscious effort to do that. And I'll do that in his memory, and I'll do it for him.
I have spent far too long and wasted far too much time just talking about things that I want to do and never actually doing them. A lot of my life is pretty shit, but I've let it get that way. I'm the only one that can change it.
So that is what I am going to do. Positivity will reign. Things will change. Procrastination will be a thing of the past (except on Sundays) and I will make a proper go of this life.
I do wish I had done more up to now, but I haven't and I can't change the past, all I can have control of is my future, and that future will be good. I want my dad to be proud of me, I want my kids to have someone to look up to, someone they could aspire to be like even. I want them to know that working hard to get where and what you want is a great thing. I want them to want more. I want them to realise the mistakes that I made, and realise that they can learn from mine and be better, do more, BE more.
See, that's what my dad would've taught them too. He'd have made the best grandad in the world, and he would've doted on my kids and my niece and nephew. Sadly that opportunity will never come about, so instead we will do things in his name, in his honour. And I will talk about him with happiness and animation.
They already miss him, even though they never had the chance to actually meet him. I'm glad they miss him, because that means they have an idea of how amazing he was.
But I digress, my point, is that things are going to change. Again.

I'm going to be the girl that my dad would be the most proud of.