My dad

It's been about 18 weeks since I last posted here. It would've been less but every time I read the last post I made, I ended up in bits and had to go and distract myself.
In 4 days time, it'll be the anniversary of the day that my dad died. It'll be 18 years since I last saw him.
The more I think about it, the more unbelievable it seems. Which of course, sounds ridiculous. But it does. My dad is gone. He's been gone for so long that I don't remember his voice, I don't remember his laugh. And the only reason that I remember his face, is from photos. And I don't have many of those.
I do remember that he is, was, and always will be, the most awesome man I will ever have the honour to know.
I don't really have anything to say, that I haven't said already. But I want to remember him. I want so badly to remember how it felt when he hugged me. I want to remember how it felt when I held his hand as I skipped up the road when I was a little girl. I want to remember how it felt when he tucked me in at night and made me feel safe.
More than that, I want to remember how it would feel when I saw him playing with his grandkids, how it would feel when he walked me up the aisle and gave me away, how it would feel when he told me that everything would be ok. Only I will never, ever remember that as these things will never happen.
Everybody told me that missing him would get easier. Coping with it would hurt less. Well it doesn't. Every single day is harder because every single day means yet another thing that he should've seen but won't. He would have been brilliant at all of these things. So very brilliant. But all I can do is remember things that I'm not even sure are real.
I've said this before, but if you still have your father in your life, remember things. Tell him you love him. Tell him he's appreciated. In fact, tell your mum too, or anyone else that you love.
Fucking tell them. Even if you think you will have them forever. Because you actually never know when the time will come that the memories stop and you can't tell them any more.
I adored my dad, I still do. Moreso every day.
I miss him so much, I can actually feel a physical loss where he should be.
Just tell them you love them. Mean it, and more importantly, show it. Words aren't enough.